Saturday, April 23, 2011
THE FERAL BEAR [REVISED]
I stepped into a downtown corner diner that was modestly busy. It’s L-shape provided a counter that ran along both lengths of the inside, while an array of booths sat against the large windows. There were several people I knew who were on the far side already engaged in their meals. I seated myself at the counter perusing the help wanted section of the newspaper.
I walked down the near end of the counter to ask the cashier if they had any positions available. At a booth straight across from the counter sat an associate conversing with a friend. Seeing him out of the corner of my eye alerted my anxiety as I felt sure he was watching me; he was, as always, looking and waiting for my next great embarrassment.
The cashier politely informed me that there was nothing available. I walked away knowing my associate had seen this interaction and was now sneering with his friend at how foolish I had looked receiving the rejection. I made my way to a booth near the corner of the diner, sitting down beneath a cloud of angst.
As I sat down I caught a brief glimpse of a bearded man sitting in the booth behind mine. He wore a dense red and black flannel jacket and over his mangy brown hair he had pulled a hat down low, covering his eyes. We sat back to back in our respective booths, though soon he had turned, bringing his head to my shoulder to whisper in my ear.
From his rough, growling voice came a stream of hushed taunts and jeers, so violent in nature that I was too shamed to react . I could feel his facial hair scratching against my neck as his raspy breath, foul and hot against my ear, moved me to severe discomfort. Still I did not stir, frozen in this moment of discordant affirmation.
By some miracle, I shook myself free of the unwanted attention, escaping from the booth stiff-necked and into the bathroom; though part of me knew that he would follow me there.
I stood alone in sick anticipation, facing the door and awaiting his arrival. What little bravado that attempted to stir within me was soon quelled by an unnatural and extraordinary event. Soon, the bathroom door was thrust open violently, as the man had transformed into his true nature, an oversized feral bear whose own body was bulging at the seams with exaggerated viciousness.
In seconds, his bleeding eyes advanced on me with savage purpose, overcoming me with a mass of ragged fur whose stench alone could have bent my will. He knocked me back against the wall, throwing my weightless body around to assert his control. When I attempted escape, he secured my elbow in his seething jaws. Amidst his heavy panting he growled:
“Don’t you know what’s happening here? I’m going to kill you.”
A realization of pure, innate fear overwhelmed me as a terror-fueled adrenaline rush allowed me to somehow escape from his grip, tearing out of the bathroom and through the length of the diner to burst out of the doors.
A flock of individuals were waiting for me outside. I screamed at them to run, to flee as fast as they could. They joined me in my flight as we spilled into the sunless suburban terrain. As we split off from each other, I took my course through backyards and was soon joined by two peers, male and female, running abreast of me.
We found ourselves in a yard that transformed itself into a box-shaped room, isolating us with the soon-approaching beast. In this room, my companions possessed the power to manifest anything with their minds. They went about in a calm frenzy, preparing the room with ideas and tools for a defense and hopeful defeat of our enemy.
Seconds passed as we awaited his arrival. His plangent gallop from afar echoed forcibly in the room, growing louder and louder as he neared. The blackness of his caustic quest overwhelmed me. He would stop at nothing to rip my heart out and claim it.
When his pounding steps reached an unbearable apex, he had arrived. The Bear threw himself against the barrier of the cube, crashing into the room with reckless hatred. A battle ensued where I found myself keeping out of harm’s way, watching as my two companions took themselves against the enemy.
My companions proved to be equally matched, wearing down the enemy with cunning traps and methods. The Bear slowly diminished in size, weakened and no longer the menacing threat he was in the diner. He was to become the man he used to be. I searched through the wreckage and aftermath of the battle as my companions sat down with the Bear. I could not allow his transformation without personal vindication.
Sitting on his haunches in defeat, the Bear expressed remorse for all that had transpired. My companions listened, replying in sympathy as they desired to offer him their aid. I listened from a distance as I found what I was looking for among the mounds of discarded ideas and tools.
I held in my hands a shovel. I calmly loaded the shovel with a deck of cards and with candle in hand lit a blaze of revenge.
The Bear was earnestly listening to the words of my companions as I approached him with purposed feet. I hated him and wanted him to see the vengeful wrath that boiled in my eyes for what he had done: I was but a piece of soulless flesh that could be used and destroyed without a care.
I stood in front of the Feral Bear with my companions flanking me in silent protest. With vacant expression, I threw the burning embers directly into his remorseful eyes.
I watched him writhing in his pain, screaming as the fiery cards seared upon his face, burning him beyond recognition. I felt he so justly deserved what I had given, yet I found myself void of the fulfillment that I was so sure would be mine with this deed. Vindication had apparently eluded me in my quest for redemption.
Why could I not find fruition in destroying the face of a monster?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Third of Three
taken from a dream that occurred a month or so ago. cheers.
I stood in the crowd, curiously watching and observing the two criminals when a chorus of gasps turned my gaze to the eastern hill where a line of citizens stood. A crazed lunatic, the third criminal, had appeared. Armed with a sizable knife, she took the first woman hostage from behind amidst the flurry of cries from the shell-shocked crowd.
As she spewed bitter fragments of fulfilling her task, I became mindful of not standing out in the crowd, lest her gaze fell upon me. At the same time I looked at the faces of those in line atop the eastern hill. I knew all of them and though none were among those closest to me, I was aware of each vague connection that linked myself to these individuals.
The hostage remained frozen in submission beneath the blade of the third of three's knife as I found myself as comfortable as one could be in the crowd of captured faces. Without warning, the third of three cut off half of the woman's ear, terrifying the masses as her voice expelled further obscenities. She moved to the next woman in line, taunting her only briefly before slicing off an ample portion of her nose with a swift, vertical chop of her knife.
The victim stood in shock as blood poured out of her snout, looking at me in credulous bewilderment as to how I allowed such an act of primal cruelty to occur.
Friday, February 18, 2011
A Graduation to a Crooked End
Endless rows in speculation
Of an observance premature.
Among the eyes aglow with stupor,
My own, glistened in apprehension.
"It is too soon!" I cry to no one.
"Too soon for a lad inured."
Yet, hands continue in their lauding,
Heralding the brewing detachment.
Despite my passive protests,
The proceeding is fructified.
Alas, I cannot reverse nor deter
A motion as ancient, as primal as this.
And so He moves,
Beyond my grasp and sight
Moving far too quickly for I
And my weightless words.
Released to wander,
A stroll he feigns to grasp.
Graduated to a dire traipse
A trail unto a crooked end.
Of an observance premature.
Among the eyes aglow with stupor,
My own, glistened in apprehension.
"It is too soon!" I cry to no one.
"Too soon for a lad inured."
Yet, hands continue in their lauding,
Heralding the brewing detachment.
Despite my passive protests,
The proceeding is fructified.
Alas, I cannot reverse nor deter
A motion as ancient, as primal as this.
And so He moves,
Beyond my grasp and sight
Moving far too quickly for I
And my weightless words.
Released to wander,
A stroll he feigns to grasp.
Graduated to a dire traipse
A trail unto a crooked end.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Contrast
In the last month I have added three clients to my caseload, including twin four-year-olds, blonde-headed with bright blue eyes. The twins live in a foster home after SRS took them from their home due to neglect and unfit conditions. They have been in several placements before arriving at this foster home where I began seeing them.
What fascinates me about them, as young as they are, is that both of them have reacted to their early-life trauma is opposite ways. One exhibits mostly external behaviors: ADHD, aggressiveness and difficulty getting along with his peers at preschool. His brother seems to have internalized everything they experienced as he is quiet, more reserved and has been observed talking to no one, as well as engaging in fantasy play which has manifested itself in him 'planning' Spongebob parties (I was even invited!).
These twins, contrasting in the outcome of their trauma, are as cute of kids as you could imagine. It is a privilege to work with them and I pray for their progress and growth as they develop.
What fascinates me about them, as young as they are, is that both of them have reacted to their early-life trauma is opposite ways. One exhibits mostly external behaviors: ADHD, aggressiveness and difficulty getting along with his peers at preschool. His brother seems to have internalized everything they experienced as he is quiet, more reserved and has been observed talking to no one, as well as engaging in fantasy play which has manifested itself in him 'planning' Spongebob parties (I was even invited!).
These twins, contrasting in the outcome of their trauma, are as cute of kids as you could imagine. It is a privilege to work with them and I pray for their progress and growth as they develop.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Laugh Not, Hyenas Three
On sandy shores,
Six eyes find me
On my knees, forgetting.
A present mind, arise to flee
From snarling lips
their hatred curls.
And by my hands
two jaws are snapped.
Still run from one
an alpha mutt.
Strong, yes strong
Unbending and unending.
Tree and sand give
to a tiled hall, endless.
My hands cannot break him
my traps cannot ensnare him
Four gaunt legs
Stained under scabby sores
Carry two glassy eyes,
ever-seeing, ever-seething
Funneled down a corridor
unto his harrowed den.
Betwixt his fangs,
and the eyes ahead
Arrested by this mongrel,
or choose assimilation.
Six eyes find me
On my knees, forgetting.
A present mind, arise to flee
From snarling lips
their hatred curls.
And by my hands
two jaws are snapped.
Still run from one
an alpha mutt.
Strong, yes strong
Unbending and unending.
Tree and sand give
to a tiled hall, endless.
My hands cannot break him
my traps cannot ensnare him
Four gaunt legs
Stained under scabby sores
Carry two glassy eyes,
ever-seeing, ever-seething
Funneled down a corridor
unto his harrowed den.
Betwixt his fangs,
and the eyes ahead
Arrested by this mongrel,
or choose assimilation.
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